Friday, August 26, 2011

Personal Post: The double standard of Jealousy

Being someone that is in an open relationship I am often asked, "How can you deal with the jealousy?" This question really surprises, of course loving someone that is also seeing someone else will spark some jealousy, but why is jealousy held in such high regard.

It would be like me asking someone how can you deal with being married since couples fight shouldn't you just avoid the anger. Or how can handle watching celebrities on TV without feeling envious. My point is that any other emotion is faced head on now days, your not going too avoid going to a funeral of someone you love because it makes you sad.

I'm not sure if my examples are good enough too make the point, but basically any emotion like anger, sadness, greed, anticipation even fear are looked at as something that a healthy person handles. Yet many people say too me they could never be polyamorus because they would rather avoid the jealousy issues.

I truly don't understand that. I could be wrong but I believe I noticed a certain double standard here.

Lets say Liz and Paul are dating. Paul accidently makes Liz mad but says it wasn't his intention, Liz would be expected too talk about it rationally and not throw blame at Paul.

 Now lets say Paul tells Liz that his female friend at work is very attractive. Now Liz is allowed if not expected too feel jealous and blame Paul, maybe yell at him and demand he stop spending time around her. Rational conversation is almost stopped all together. You might say in this example that you would say he could be friends with her, but come on if he wanted to date her you'd probably be insanely confused and jealous and blame him for it saying he should not have done it.

Done what is what I'm wondering, he shouldn't have been honest? Shouldn't have been open minded?

Basically if your partner makes you mad just for being himself then that is at least part of the time understandable and not something too blame him for. But if he makes you jealous then he must stop doing it because you don't want too face that emotion.

A few notes: By you, I mean an average person not you specifically. Also the example relationships are not examples of mine, we have faced jealousy head on and used honesty as our weapon against it. For me jealousy is just like anger when it pops up I make sure too cool down and not freak out.
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